Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
