all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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