I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
