but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
