No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
