I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
