i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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