forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
