I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
