Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
