They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
