In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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