Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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