I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its liver damage thursday
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
