Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
