Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
