but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
