The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
