I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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