Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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