I have demons in me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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