My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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