I love black thongs
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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