Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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