Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
