he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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