Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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