oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
