tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
