Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
