i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
