the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
