Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
