he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
