My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
