Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
