the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
