in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
