you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Houston, we have a squirter
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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