She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
