I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
