u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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