i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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