The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
