Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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