He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
