My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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