I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
