yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
and you fell through a lawn chair
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
