There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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