i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
